Off the Beaten Path

I recently went back to doing content that was put on my heart a long time ago. Sharing videos to help women learn to love and embrace the beauty of their natural hair with practical tips to help reach their hair goals. As someone who has worked as a salon assistant for years, I noticed a lot of women don’t know what to do with their hair, deal with thinning, cover it completely because they think it’s not desirable, or permanently alter it because it’s easier to manage and they don’t know what to do with it. This has always resonated with me deeply. More than the average person and I think it’s for a reason. I think we are given these strong feelings towards things we are meant to help change. For me it may be helping young black women realize their hair is beautiful and not to be seen as a burden. For you it may be something else. And since switching back I have learned two valuable life lessons that I want to share with you.

Before getting into the lessons I think it’s only right to share why I stopped and pivoted in the first place. I discussed a bit here where I went over my DIY hair extensions videos and feeling like they were shallow with no substance so I pivoted to something a little more touchy; homemaking content. But then I started to sprinkle in hair videos again when I went hair extension free! Sharing my spiritual conviction that led me there and why and how I was learning to embrace my natural hair and seeing beauty in diversity! It was heavy on my heart at the time, very heavy, even though others around me would say “Gwen it’s not that deep” but to me it was and I didn’t know why.

So then why stop it? Well during postpartum I went through a phase of wanting to change something and I changed my hair color LOL. And because of that I felt like I could not continue sharing my story about loving your natural hair because someone would bring up “oh but you have highlights” which someone graciously pointed out. So my mission was on pause until I realized hair dye is the same as a protective styles, locs, or straightening. You are altering the hair in some way. So after realizing this and that I look better with darker hair I decided to get back to what I wanted to do originally when I started speaking on my weave free journey and doing so has been such a blessing for me! That brings me to my first lesson.

Lesson no. 1

Every good thing isn’t a Gwen thing and that’s okay. I’m learning that just because we want something doesn’t mean it’s for us & praise the Lord for knowing more than us and closing doors that aren’t meant for us and opening doors that are! Everyone has a different gift and message to share and it’s important to walk in that because you never know who may be blessed by it. No matter how small or big it may be. The bible is full of people who had small, mundane tasks and people who had larger tasks/callings! And they all worked together in the grand scheme of things! Think about the body, how we have so many small parts and large parts but they all make up the body. 1 Corinthians 12:12

I remember pivoting from something that was helping women and that I felt like was a topic I could provide value on (talking about hair and my journey as a former weave idolater) because I thought it was too small and not important. I then went into homemaking topics because that is the kind of life I lived/am living and there weren’t many people talking about being a stay at home wife with no kids at the time. I would always pray and still do constantly about the direction of my channel and the audience it brings and that I’d share meaningful messages and somehow would never get any peace but always wondered why. Because at this point, I pivoted and I thought i was sharing a message I should be sharing! It was meaningful and that’s what I wanted…or so I thought! After filming a few videos, realizing I am opening myself up to, too many strangers online. Speaking about personal things… I started thinking maybe I’m not graced for this kind of content. I quickly realized people in this space have a certain level of output for their audience that I just was not graced for. Normally it involved getting very vulnerable and pouring out their heart on the internet, showing their home or showing their kids faces, sharing personal information which I get it because I love consuming these kind of videos and the information helps to connect with the author. But if I’m honest producing them showed me I was not graced for it.

I would go in and delete videos I worked really hard on because I thought I overshared to much. I’d go in and edit out parts of the conversation where I may have been to personal, I’d have nightmares and more lol it was bad. And this would really ruin my channel because people would be like “Hey Gwen where is this video and that video” lol. But this needed to happen because here I was thinking this path could have been meant for me because it was a good thing to share. But every good thing is not necessarily a Gwen thing and that’s okay! I thank the Lord for showing me that even though this is what I thought I wanted, to be vulnerable online, it’s not meant for me and I am so grateful he taught me that sooner before my channel increased in size, if it ever does!

Now, this isn’t me saying not to share your life or deep thoughts online because I think everyone is graced for the calling they have on their life. There are religious apologists I watch who certainly have to be graced for what they do. There are a couple women I watch who show their home and it blesses me to physically see parts of their life or meals they create. There are also women I watch who are very candid about raising their toddler and since I did not grow up around kids those videos blessed me greatly to physically see what is going on! And I believe that if you are graced for that kind of content, you won’t have the same internal struggles I did. That is why it is important to seek what you should be sharing online… if you should be sharing anything at all. I asked a woman who created very controversial videos, although good for society, if creating those videos hardened her and after her response, I thought “wow she must be graced for this” because this kind of stuff would really send me into a mental institution. And my husband would always tell me, the internet is something you do not have to be on and if you are going to use it, don’t let it make you a hardened person. Which in my case would have been a worrying person.

So after realizing this, I had two options: to pivot or quit youtube all together because what I was doing was not working for me. I was becoming a worrier. I even spoke to my priest about it who graciously told me to not give up on my hobby but pivot if I have concerns about oversharing. And so I did and thank the Lord for it!

I decided to go back to videos that I knew like the back of my hand, videos that have always done well for my channel, videos that I could create without having to overshare or make it all about me, videos that would work with my life of being a sahm(time wise), and videos that valued my privacy!

So I went back to creating content about hair only this time natural hair which I did not think would do well because before this the only hair videos that did well for me were extension tutorials. And to my surprise it really resonated with a lot of women, which brings me to my second lesson!

Lesson No. 2

Your gifts will make room for you. It doesn’t matter how oversaturated something is, if you are meant to be in a space you will be because you are graced for it. I am so grateful to have started these videos again because I no longer have to go and edit things out, go to bed thinking if I did too much, etc. I am finally sharing info that I think is valuable and have peace doing so.

Hindsight looking back I think I needed to go through all of this, the same with my hair dyeing story! I needed to pivot, fail, make mistakes, and learn about myself to truly see what is for me and what is not. I wouldn’t have learned this lesson by not creating anything or just talking about it. Some things are learned boots on the ground, only through trial and error. Similar to my journey to Catholicism. If the Lord did not lead me to the church the way he did, I could have folded at the drop of any type of backlash and trust me when I say there was some(which coming from hating Catholicism, I understand if you haven’t been shown what I’ve been shown). But because of my 2 year long journey through many lows and seeking and seeing a bigger picture, being in the trenches, I saw what I needed to see to be strong and have peace even through the many opinions thrown my way. And to be honest I thank the Lord so much for these lessons. They aren’t great when we are going through them but when you come out of it you realize just how necessary they were for you to go through to make you better and more knowledgeable about yourself.

I wanted to leave you with this

do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:6-8

He will answer your prayers. It may not be for a year or even two years. It may be a no completely. It may not be how you expected. It may be through not having any peace. It may take a lot longer than you want but he will.