All along my timeline, I see posts that go something along the lines of “fed is best”, but is it really? Those of us who dedicate our time, years even, to feeding our young believe that is not the case. Now I am not against other ways of feeding by any means, whether by formula or goats milk, etc. There are situations that arise which can impact our desire to breastfeed, in which case I am grateful for other avenues to feed our babies. But by no means does those alternative avenues trump the main original design, which is breastfeeding. And deep down, I think we all know this, but society, external pressures, situations that arise, and propaganda may make us believe otherwise. So now, what used to be seen as an alternative or a worst case scenario has become the norm or even preferred method.

I don’t say this to shame anyone. I think each persons situation is different and I don’t think it makes you a worse or better person if you choose to breast feed or formula feed. But I do believe intent matters here. And I normally would not discuss this but since this post is about breastfeeding, I need to mention it because so may women don’t know the importance of breastfeeding! The benefits for both you and the baby! Commercials and doctors have normalized formula so much, that people may fall prey to genuinely believing it is the exact same when it is very different. Ok, now that we’ve got that out of the way I want to share my experience about tandem feeding!

Nursing While Pregnant

When I first found out I was pregnant I knew that I wanted to continue breast-feeding throughout my pregnancy but I had no idea what I was getting myself into or what that would look like. I am typically a wing it kind of girl which I am not proud of, but in this case and with motherhood, I believe the best way to learn is to just get boots on the ground. So I asked friends about their experience but I did not read to much into other information about it because I am one that easily gets overwhelmed with too much information.

Out of the women I asked, I received different messages(to be expected). Some of them had great experiences and some of them had to stop breast-feeding due to pain around the 20 week mark . So I decided that I was going to go for it. My toddler had just turned 2 at the time and I knew that I was not ready to stop breast-feeding him.

In the beginning around the 14 week mark, I started to feel a lot of pain while nursing. I’m not sure if that was due to me losing milk supply or if it was a hormonal shift, but all I know is that it became painful, yet doable, so I continued and thankfully that stopped a few weeks later.  

Since my toddler was two and consuming regular foods, I was not too worried if I did in fact lose my supply which sometimes happens to women. And to be honest, I wouldn’t have fully known if i lost it or not because I don’t pump. Ever since the beginning of breastfeeding I learned that if I want this to be a long term game for me, I’d need to do exclusively breastfeeding or it wouldn’t work. I have tried pumping briefly and the amount of time sitting next to a machine while also hyperfixating on the numbers and how much I pumped just doesn’t work for me. So the only way I have ever relied on knowing if my son is getting enough is by his weight(making sure it is increasing at his doctor appointments or at home) and by his hunger cues and how long he feeds! Now that he speaks I simply ask him, “is it a lot of milk or a little” and he tells me lol. So to my belief, I never fully lost supply but I would not be surprised if my supply lowered during certain periods of pregnancy but it did not change the weight or happiness of my toddler.

So during pregnancy, the only thing breast-feeding wise that could have been a little bit of a problem was the pain that I would experienced from time to time, which was not that terrible in my opinion. Everything else surprisingly went very smooth for me. Some women, depending on their pregnancy and if they were uncomfortable, may have a different experience so everyone is different! My pregnancy, after adding magnesium during my first trimester, was thankfully, byt the grace of the Lord, a smooth pregnancy.

Nursing With a Newborn

When my newborn came into the world and we went home I was so nervous how I would feed two. I thought I’d at least get to a point where I would have night weaned my toddler by that point but no! He still feeds at night and I had no idea how this would play out.

The very first night home they were both feeding at the same time. It was different for me. I did not know my “girlies” would spread so much lol. And if I’m honest, I got a little touched out . I felt like I was being pulled in two different directions, and I ended up developing a nursing aversion to my toddler.  Now, I didn’t even know this was a thing until I looked it up online.  I googled “why do I dislike my toddler feeding on me right now? Why do I feel like I’m being violated right now when my taller has been nursing his whole life and I’ve never felt this way?” To my surprise, it is a very common thing when a new baby comes in and you are tandem feeding. Thankfully I received lots of hope that the feeling would leave and to my surprise it left after a few days. Eventually, I got into a new groove and I became OK with my toddler and baby feeding at the same time. 

An interesting thing to note is that my toddler would feed maybe three times throughout the day during my pregnancy. However, when the baby got here, all of a sudden, my toddler wanted to feed a ton of times throughout the day.   I’m not sure if this was due to him seeing his little brother feed and so he wanted to feed, because after all he’s in the phase of copying things, but his eating habits picked up 100%. So with him increasing his feeding intake and my newborn cluster feeding, I realize I had to set boundaries with my toddler. 

It really just became too much on me . I went from just having them both feed at night to both feeding at the same time multiple times a day. And so I decided to implement the five second rule with my toddler.  Throughout the day if he wants to feed, I will typically give him about 5 to 10 minutes and when I am ready for him to be done, to limit sadness, I would count to five and make it fun, turn it into a little game, and then he latches off and then I will put the baby on.  This has helped me tremendously. I no longer feel like I am being pulled in two different directions trying to feed then both at the same time which can be uncomfortable depending on where we are sitting.  

Tips for Nursing Two

Now we’re gonna get into some things that I believe are very important for keeping up with your milk supply when you are feeding two kids.

The first thing is having a station set up that is comfortable for you . When you are bringing a newborn into the house and you’re breast-feeding, you would typically want to do this anyway.  Whether that’s in your living room or in your bedroom, wherever you choose to make the main space for you to feed the baby, you want it to be a comfortable place because you will spend a lot of time there. It should be a place where you have a snack if you get hungry, something to drink, a remote if you wanna watch TV, a book, whatever it is that you do during that time. This was crucial for me because I was noticing, and I still notice, it can become a problem at times because I’ll end up getting thirsty, I’ll end up wanting something to eat, and I call my husband so many times throughout the day asking him to bring me things.  It would be so much easier if I had a designated area where I fed the kids, and I had everything there that I needed during that time. But life does take over and that won’t always be the case. In fact for me, I feed everywhere lol, literally! I have fed on a mountain multiple times lol but it is nice to have a designated spot.  

The next this is nutrition. I am not an expert on what the body needs for nutrition. I’ve heard a ton of conflicting evidence on how much protein you need or how many calories you need and I don’t know if I am convinced. I have seen women from documentaries feed their babies while they are in impoverished countries and fasting at times.  So I don’t know if I am completely sold on the idea that you need this amount of food or you need this certain amount of protein.

What I will say is that I do believe because you are feeding your kids you so as a result you should want to be feeding your body with quality foods and nutritiously packed foods while also adding in minerals that I do believe are depleted in our soil.  I follow a mainly meat-based diet so I am naturally a heavy protein, lower carb, lower sugar kind of eater. I don’t know if this has an impact on my milk supply or if it doesn’t, but one thing that I make sure to do is to really be conscious about the variety of food that I am eating. So I became very conscious of where is my omega-3 coming from? Where am I getting my folate from? How am I supporting my iron levels? Thankfully, all of these things can come through an animal, seafood based diet, which has worked out for me, but you have to figure out what works out best for you. And I’m pretty sure your body will let you know if something you’re doing is working or not, especially in the beginning.  Before your milk supply levels out, your girlies will get extremely full and extremely empty and you’ll know it!

Another thing that I think helps when feeding to is frequent feedings . Now again, I am not an expert at this. I just notice what works for me and I am choosing to share this.  I feed my son whenever he wants to eat and I don’t put him on a schedule, my newborn that is.  Since my toddler gets regular food, he has boundaries.  But because my newborn is only able to eat breast milk, he eats whenever he needs. This has resulted in cluster feeding. And because of it, I believe this is what helps my milk continue to produce and stay intact.  To my understanding the more the newborn or a toddler feeds the more the body will signal for it to make more milk. 

An underrated tip is to really take the time to rest while you nurse. In an interview, I did a few years ago. A woman told me that she always believe that breast-feeding was God’s way of telling us to rest.  Sometimes especially postpartum we need to stop doing everything else and completely rest.  Our bodies rely on it.  And it can be so easy to breast-feed the baby while thinking about 1000 other things, or trying to do things while breast-feeding the baby, which I have done multiple times, and it is not very effective and it gets tiring.  Taking the time out to actually rest and look your baby in the eyes, bond with your baby, and snuggle your baby while they’re breast-feeding changes your breast-feeding journey. You are providing life for this baby and it is such a beautiful thing by God‘s design and it’s a time that should be cherished because this time doesn’t last forever and it goes by so quick. 

Lastly, know your “why”. This will be especially important on the harder days. And there will be hard days. But knowing your “wife “why” will help you to stay the course if breast-feeding or tandem feeding is something that you personally want to do for your young. That could be as simple as you believe breast is best, it could be that you want to nourish your baby for as long as possible with wonderful antibodies, it could be a strong belief you have, but you have to know your why. 

Overall, I set a goal for myself to breast-feed my toddler for at least two years and next month he will be three, Lord willing and so I have completed that particular goal which is nice because, well doing tough things, even when it goes against the norm, and accomplishing a goal you set out for yourself reminds you that you can do hard things. I didn’t know many people who did this and in some spaces breast-feeding for so long is even frowned upon so I’m really glad that I was able to not only have a body, by God‘s grace, to provide nutrients for my kids but also to mentally stay the course.

If you are embarking on this journey, I wish you all the best as well.  Some people may make you feel crazy about wanting to breast-feed your kids passed the one or two year mark, but follow what you believe to do is right. And make sure to take care of yourself in the process. Glory to Jesus Christ.